Oh Britney, You Did It Again

As you can probably tell, Carrie and I like, if not adore, Brit Brit. She's catchy, she's bubbly, she's made a comeback and we support her. And she's been looking great lately, she's my fitness inspiration, and omg I love her new CD blah blah blah. But let's get down to business. Her new music video is ridiculous in a you're-trying-too-hard-to-be-edgy-and-now-you're-just-offensive kind of way.

So let's start the textual analysis of "Criminal," Britney's answer to "Papa Don't Preach." The basic premise of the film is that poor, little rich girl/trophy wife suffers abuse from equally rich boyfriend. Note fake tears and great perfume product placement. Brit storms out only to officiously take her aggression out on a possibly unsuspecting female who was being preyed on by abusive boyfriend. I find this misplaced aggression disturbing. Britney is much less assertive with the male figure, and the director purposefully pits female against female. Not a fan. Then the domestic abuse happens. Glamourized violence runs rampant, so I'm just going to say it was tasteless and added nothing to the storyline.

Cue badboy in leather and also Britney's real life BF. He swings a punch (plus some more gratuitous violence) and saves the damsel in distress, who can only assert her agency once rich BF is cowering on the ground and still adheres to badboy's time frame. (Also, the tacky British pansy villian thing was so over beginning with Charlies Angels 1.)

So then Britney goes from abusive relationship to a coercive one, becoming a, and I hesitate to say partner, but pawn-in-crime of bad boy. Hmmm, gotta love those two options. The relationships depicted are emotionally unhealthy. So she is either being physically abused or used in criminal activity and as a sex object. Ppppperrrrffffeeeccccttt. I want to grow up to be just like Britney. (Not that I did before, but the Britney in “Stronger,” “Oops I Did It Again,” even “I'm a Slave 4 You,” indicated a bit more female empowerment and sexual agency then this piece of crap did.

So then we have some awkward sex scenes. (Note her passiveness, his archetypal masculinity. Irritating). Some more violence. A shootout where the lovers get away unscathed. And then depiction of dumb British cops. Eh. Probably my least favorite Britney vid ever.

I'll concede two things: Brit's bf is hot. Also, I love the depiction of London, because I love London and not because the cinematography was stellar or anything.

Feminist: The Unmentionable Identity

I haven't uttered the word "feminist" or any variations thereof within my workplace since I started my job over a year ago. So when I finally said it this morning to a female manager whom I had never met before, it rolled off of my tongue and tasted sweet like maple syrup or melted caramel or all of the forbidden things that make you so happy you feel guilty inside. I've never been able to decide quite why that word means so much to me. I feel it is my prized possession. It is my identity. Feminism is something - maybe the only thing - I've ever felt like fighting for. And I hadn't said it for 14 months at work.

So I put together some missing pieces today. In between my meetings and brainstorming and formatting, I found what I need to keep going.

Lately I've been feeling as though I were outside of some club, banging on the door to get in. As our company moves into the digital domain, I worry that women of my generation will be left behind. We are seen as excellent coordinators, but I feel that many people don't trust our capacity to understand code or program anything at all. I can't do those things, to be sure. But I can fake it really well, and I can also readily accept opportunities to learn.

I feel that "feminism" and "gender" don't come up at work because there is an unspoken acknowledgement that my field is 90% female-dominated. How could we possibly be promoting gender inequality in the workplace when we employ so many women? That would be the logical conclusion. But keep in mind that my industry is one of the lowest-paid out there. Does it surprise you, then, that it is dominated by women in all but the highest of the high positions (CEO, Vice Presidents, etc.)? I worked at a feminist publishing company and almost at the Women's Bureau of the Department of Labor for a time. I've stared the statistics down, hoping that I could change things if I glared at the numbers long enough. I've been through many a sleepless night wondering if I've been looked over because I uphold so many of the stereotypes of my "womanhood". I'm sick of feeling like I have to change myself to be heard.

Today, during that meeting, the word felt so right as I compared my previous workplace, which was very conscious and critical of gender identities and norms, to my current one. The woman sitting across from me, tattoos covering her arms, nodded and smiled like we had just entered a secret pact. We understood one another. We said the unspeakable.

For the rest of the day, I felt energized by just acknowledging my own gender identity and all the things I've fought for in the past. Isn't that strange? I think that is something men could never understand and something they even fear a little bit. Women really do have an understanding for each other's unique challenges and struggles and, even more, for each other's unique strengths and ability to connect with one another. Everyone should be a feminist, of course, but a woman who acknowledges her own feminist activism within the workplace is a powerful thing indeed.

Now that I've said the word, I don't know where to take things from there. I would like to find a mentor or even mentor someone else outside of work, but, like everything else in life, the task seems insurmountable at this point.

Either way, I am bringing back that side of myself. I just haven't quite decided how. I have to do things that are socially acceptable after all. And being a self-proclaimed feminist at work has never been socially acceptable.

[Op-Ed Tuesday] Grad School Musings

I have numerous reasons for attending law school. And one of those reasons, although it fluctuates in importance, is the dismal state of the job market and my lack of applicable skills to compete in said market. Hiding out in law school, as well as my master's program, and incurring a pathetically astronomical amount of debt is a great plan. I live off high interest loans, kill myself with work, and still have enough energy to enjoy happy hours with my now-employed friends. “Employed” happens to be a flexible term. This term does not have to indicate full-time salaried work with benefits. It can hourly. It can be part-time. Hell, it can be anything that gives you some sum of money for a couple hours a week of labor that utilizes nothing you learned in college. But what sets me apart from these friends, is that they have an income. They are also honing skills that will help them in the future. I, on the other hand, am embarking on another three years of learning theory, argument strategies, and a new way to write, that may or may not have a job remotely relating to the J.D. I hope to one day earn. My future scares me. As does my loan amount. But not nearly as much as the prospect of searching for a job, paying bills with the meager salary I will inevitably earn, figuring out what health insurance to purchase, learning how to save money, and essentially, becoming a real, functioning person.

These reasons lent themselves to my shock this morning when I read on the WSJ, that MBA admissions was down 10 percent this year. The article discussed how generally, in weak economics, grad admissions across the board, and especially MBA programs, see an increase in applications. And yet this time is different. This could because of decreasing opportunities for graduate school funding, the limiting and ending of subsidized loans, increasing loan interest rates, and the fact that even if you manage to get through those hurdles, having an advanced degree may not mean anything when you're applying for a job, fresh-faced with no “real-life” experience.

So I'm stuck. I'm really stuck with law school. At least I can bask in the gloriousness of over-caffeination and constant intellectual stimulation for three years and sigh at my imminent demise post-graduation. And then I'll be stuck with the real world and all it's demands. Either way, this isn't looking good to me, so I think I'll drink some over-priced almond milk and take a nap.